Don't Shy Away from Emotions. Explore them.
It’s okay to be angry.
It’s okay to be sad.
It’s okay to be afraid.
Between the pandemic, political unrest, protests and economic uncertainty, you might be hearing that sentiment a lot right now. Perhaps you even nodded in gentle agreement as you read it. But it may not always feel okay, or comfortable, to be angry, sad or afraid. In fact, you may try to hide those feelings, suppress them or diffuse them, as soon as they come up. Your self-talk may be something like, “get a grip,” “calm down,” “this isn’t helpful,” or “it’s not a big deal, just get over it.” It’s time to stop labeling these emotions as negative.
They are simply emotions. Not good. Not bad.
If I told you, “it’s okay to be happy,” you’d probably give me a strange look and say, “of course it’s okay to be happy. It’s great to be happy.” That’d mostly be because we consider joy a positive emotion. We enjoy happiness - for ourselves and others. And it is okay to be happy, even great to be happy. And it’s still just an emotion. Not good. Not bad. My point is this. It really is okay, and normal, and healthy to be angry, sad or afraid sometimes.
Emotions are neutral. Consider them data. They are a response to what we are experiencing internally or externally - feedback, if you will. The idea of good and bad are almost always tied to the behavior that comes AFTER the emotion is felt. You and a friend get in a heated argument and your friend insults you. You feel anger well up inside. No problem there, that’s a normal response. The “bad” is tied to you punching them in the face, not the emotion of anger. Because they are associated with each other, we begin to label anger as bad or a negative emotion. But the anger isn’t good or bad, it’s just anger. It’s the action, or behavior, that we think is bad.
When we begin to see emotions as data it encourages us to be curious and explore. It’s not always possible in the moment, but after the emotion has been felt and released there’s an opportunity to come back to the experience and reflect and examine what caused our emotional response. Maybe a core value was challenged or an expectation wasn’t met. Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes you’re left scratching your head, wondering how in the world you got so worked up.
The goal is not to shy away from your emotions. They’re telling you something and it’s important to listen. Meet them with curiosity whenever and however you can. It’s practice. It's a process. It’s important to feel our emotions, release them, and make space for others to do the same.
